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days of future fuzz

episode 5: crisis on infinite dankents

Announcer - Jame B Kennedy
Mama - Grace McLean
Adviso - Adam Chanler-Berat
Valborg - Emily Gardner Xu Hall
Dankent - Nathaniel Kent
Future Dankent - Nathaniel Kent
Crazy Dankent - Nathaniel Kent
Fuzzo - Jared Loftin
Citizen - Carl Howell
Feltina Guernica - Christina Pumariega
The Marvelous Singing Feltinas - Megan Bagala and Megan Dorn
Felt Trooper 1 - Eryck Tait
Producer - Jacqui Rossi
Cameraperson -  Aardvark Aumont

written by Jonathan A. Goldberg
music by Matt roi Berger

recorded, mixed and edited by Marcus Bagala and Will Melones

About: The Dankents and Valborg are caught in a trap. But who has napped our heroes?


Song Lyrics



If there’s one thing that I’ve learned in all my years
It’s that a self-sufficient boob fills men with fear
You’re cool if nude, suspicious if ambitious
Everyone wants a look, but they don’t wanna listen

Cuz your shit’s tight when you’re on display
But you’re shrill if you’ve got shit to say
And then they freak out cuz you’re a talking boob
Man I ain’t got time for that

Yeah the world is full of stubby, grubby snakes
That gotta have their say to compensate
Be more aware than Cleo’s pair, stay clear!
Cuz when they’re scared they spray their poison everywhere

It’s hard enough when your body’s whole
They want a squeeze and seize up your control
Tell you “please don’t be so emotional.
Trust we know what’s best for you.”

Hell No!
This boob has got a soul!
All anyone wants is a show - 
Well let me show you what a boob can do!
I’m objectified but obscene??
Indecent but pristine??
The property of society’s taboos.

So I’m hot and bothered or I’m -
I’m cold and calculating
I’m not allowed a say in
Relevant legislation
Strip me of my aspiration
Censor what is left and call it lewd

Vulgar?  Immoral?  Hm…

When I was woman, honey I made due
But things have changed now that I am but boob.
Those that oppose my rule will suffer great… ly
This breast is busting out, stay out my way!


Make way!
This boob will have her day!
And I don’t need you so say!
Just what I can or cannot do!
I’m smart!
Human and high art!
I’m sexy and in charge!
I’m powerful and taking what’s my due!

Ah!  Ah!  Ah!  Ah!
Oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh!

It’s true!
I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do!
Sick of suffering fools
So I’m ‘a roll them down bury ‘em real deep
In the ground!
Til it’s Fuzzy all around
Not gon’ apologize or excuse
My self, I’m proud:
Cuz it’s hard out here for a boob.


The Fuzz’d are getting bored and pretty discontent
Inflation of the Furro leads to growing unrest
And there’s the lint roller shortages across the midwest - oh no!

But when your people get mad, don’t get sad - a leader knows what to do
Shove their heads full of circus and bread - they can’t complain while they chew
And they chew and they chew!

You gotta tell ‘em what they wanna hear!
You gotta sell ‘em what they needta fear!
You got to spell it out nice and unclear!
That’s Fuzzy News!

When the masses grow impassioned - what can help them forget?


Entertainment with the claim of journalistic intent!


Who gives a hello if it’s yellow, so long as it’s read?  Ah-ha!

When the people are low, give a show, get a media win!


Get some straw men to kick, 


Wag the dog, 


They’ll tune in,


Again and again and again and again and again and again and again!

If truth is what the people crave!
Give ‘em breaking news until they break!
Til’ they forget what happened yesterday!
That’s Fuzzy News!


And when the trap comes down, everyone’ll be watching
And again they’ll cheer me as their king!


There’s no better amusement than a public execution,
They tell me the ratings will soar!


And when the ratings drop off, we’ll just do it again,
When the people want more you give em more more more!


You gotta tell ‘em what they wanna hear!
You gotta sell ‘em what they needta fear!
You got to spell it out nice and unclear!
That’s Fuzzy News!

Feed ‘em what they needta know!
Give them a monster that they can oppose!
So they forget the monster running the show
That’s Fuzzy News!



Let me offer you a deal:
Surrender now, we’ll be genteel.
You’ll receive a final meal
Before we skin you head to heel
And use your bones for glockenspiels

But that’s not all!  We’ll kill you too.
Yes it seems too good to be true
More so than the unguarded route
Beyond that hole you could walk through
I guess you better give in to:

The Mercy of the Fuzz
Of the Fuzz
Just Because
That’s The Mercy of the Fuzz

We’ll use your skulls for candy bowls.
Also the candy is your toes.
Best just forget that giant hole
Better the devil that you know
Than the unguarded open road (undefended)

Surrender now and we’ll be just
This is a promise you can trust
We’ll round your friends and family up
Stab everyone you ever loved
But we’ll be smiling as we thrust
(Stab!  Stab!  Stab!)

That’s some sweet mercy right there!
There is no mercy that compares!

The Mercy of the Fuzz!
Of the Fuzz!
Trust your guts!
While they’re still inside of you
And give yourself unto
The Mercy of the Fuzz!

And if you try to make an escape -
No! That would be a big mistake!  (Yeah…)
Thought the abandoned galleria’s down the road just a mile
No better escape could be devised, even if we tried

Don’t you think about it…
Please don’t think about it
Oh just give in to:

The Mercy of the Fuzz!
Of the Fuzz!
Of the Fuzz!
(Don’t think about it!)
Of the Fuzz!
(Don’t think about it!)
(That excellent escape right over there!)
Oh the Mercy of the Fuzz!