fall of the house of sunshine

episode 5: Teeth together teeth apart

 

STARRING:

Dankent - Nathaniel Kent
Flosso - Jared Loftin
Mama Sunshine - Grace McLean
Panglo - Melissa Lusk
The Toothsome Youth Choir - Rachel Flynn, Matt roi Berger
The Toothsome Youth Players - Melissa Lusk, James Kennedy
Brushworth Sunshine - Matt roi Berger
Horace McMenemin - Nathaniel Kent
Grand Cuspid - Jocelyn Kuritsky
Precious Premolar (Agnes) - Jacqui Rossi
High Incisor (Pete) - James Kennedy
Loyal Canine - Nathaniel Kent
Janitor - Jenni Putney

Written by Jonathan A. Goldberg
Music by Matt roi Berger

About: The sanitarium burns. Dankent, the Janitor, and Panglo learn each other's secrets. The plan of the Dentites is revealed as is the history of their weird town. 

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song lyrics

The Toothsome Pageant

CHILD

There! Rising above the hills! A city of devout faith and peroxide; home to the One Tooth God, and all of its beloved children. Greetings Ortho-Pilgrim! Have you come to serve? Grab yon roll of floss from the teething barn and come on in!

CHOIR

Welcome to New Molar! New Molar!
Welcome to New Molar! New Molar!

TOWNSFOLK

Welcome Neighbor! Tooth Bless Thee!  

CHOIR

Here the smiles are bright and wide
And the children floss with pride
Here you needn’t hide your teeth from sight!

Here’s a place of love and faith
A most toothsome holy place!
All are welcome in His loving bite!

Welcome to New Molar!  New Molar!
Welcome to New Molar!  New Molar! New Molar!

Aaaah! Aaaah!

Leave your idols and all earthly things
Here crowns are for teeth and not for kings
A higher Tooth is ours, raise your voice and sing…

TOWNSFOLK

Well, now - don’t tell me you’ve never heard of the Ur-Tooth, our One Tooth God? Oh my Oh my! Well, this is GREAT news! Though we are a secret and closed society we love telling folks about our pearly Lord, and sell them tooth based merchandise from our gift shop at the Mouthatorium. Sign up for the tooth saver card and get a free slice of pizza at Village Pizza not valid on the ‘Heavy Dwayne’ or the ‘Right in the Meatballs’ specialty pies. Sign up today! We know you will - once you hear the incredible story of how our town was founded by the Ur-Tooth’s own chosen ones: Brushworth Sunshine and Horace McMenemin! See it with your eyeteeth - The year is 183-odd… and Brothers Brushworth and Horace pray to the Ur-Tooth, asking for guidance.

HORACE

Behold Here in the Ancient Days of 183-odd and I am Horace McMenemin.

BRUSHWORTH

And I am Brushworth Sunshine.

HORACE & BRUSHWORTH

Praise be to Teeth!

Lo, we are but simple men who serve a Higher Bite
Humble men called Dentites, who need a place to spend the night

BRUSHWORTH

Yay - you villagers, may we sleep upon the floor of your poultry coop, and quietly clean and drill our teeth? We shan’t wake the chickens.

TOWNSFOLK

No! You tooth lovers ain’t welcome here! Be gone!

BRUSHWORTH

Alas! Brother Horace, I fear this is the last town on the Eastern coast. How shall we care for our small Dentite following in the forests - lo see them there eating acorns? -

PERSON

I am the 30 odd families who followed the Dentite way at this time. Now I eat this acorn. Yum.

BRUSHWORTH

No man will shield us Dentites and hear our pearly truth.

HORACE

Have no fear, Brother Brushworth.  Here, let us pass the time chopping down this cedar tree, the best tree wood for making toothpicks

BRUSHWORTH

Aye, Brother, let’s!  But - oh my! What’s that in the tree?

HORACE

Brother! It’s a Tooth-o-scope!

CHOIR

Oh holy scope
Oh holy tooth-o-scope
It let him see. Truly see.

HORACE

Look Brother! A Tooth-shaped star! A sign!

BRUSHWORTH AND HORACE

Are you there tooth?
It is we tooth?
We have Ur’d Tooth calling in the night
If you chew us, we will serve you
And lead your people to your bite.

CHILD

And so they followed the star! Into the wilderness of western Pennsylvania they went! There they defeated the Land Pirate Pontius Pirate – in a scene we no longer re-enact because of its racist overtones. And thus they followed the tooth even Wester -

BRUSHWORTH AND HORACE

There you are Tooth!
We have seen Tooth!
As you shine above the western sky!

We will follow
Where you lead us!
And floss and brush your name on high!
It’s westward-ho for all Dentites!

CHOIR OF DENTITES

And so we wandered!
Horace leading the way.
And Brushworth kept us happy
With his little tooth-based plays.
Dysentary flowed like rivers
And several died from bites of lizards
Still the tooth-star shone the chosen way
And we followed the tooth star to this place. 

CHILD

Yay, they wandered, o'er hill and o'er dale, singing praises to the Tooth Most High in his Over Bite.  Until, while camping for the night on a serene hill overlooking the wide and bountiful River Rinsenspit and its subterranean cave system, the star gave a brilliant display of showering Tooth Particles and disappeared. Some were fearful! Some were confused! One thought she was a badger but she had this feeling for a long time and thus they set her to find others of her kind with no ill feeling. But Brothers Sunshine and McMenamin were hopeful, filled as they were with the Tooth.  And they led their fearful Dentites into the caves, following the river to its source. And there waiting them in the rock was the Ur-Tooth glowing pearly white. See it glowing to this day in the New Molar Mouthatorium Tuesday Thru Saturday, 9am to 7pm and 9 to 4 on Sundays –

HORACE

The Ur-Tooth! We had reached the promised land!

CHOIR OF DENTITES

We drank the water from the River Rinsenspit!
This holy water heals the aches of our sore limbs!
We traveled through the wild, with but our faith to see us through
And now behold the promise of our Everloving Tooth

Aw! Aw!  Aw!  Aw!

All praise the Ur-Tooth and His mighty, loving ways!
And bless His chosen ones who led us to this place!
Let’s build town and dedicate our lives to love and faith
And celebrate the Tooth for all our days! 

TOWNSFOLK

And so we built!  And the Tooth watched over us, blessing our humble town in Its most holy ways, letting us flourish and spread Its Pearly Truth.  And here we are today!  Continuing to serve the Ur-Tooth!  The One Tooth God!  And that is why, every year, on Toothsome Day, we celebrate Its awesome power and love!

CHOIR

For we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
Scrubbing the Godhead!
Yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and
Scrubbing the Godhead!  
Scrubbing the Godhead!
Scrubbing the Godhead!

So come if there’s a cavity you find down in your soul
The Ur-Tooth’s truth will fill it and His ways will make you whole!

Let the Molars all ring out!
The Bicuspids sing and shout!
And let us clean our heart teeth of their doubt!

And we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
Scrubbing the Godhead!

Yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and
Scrubbing the Godhead!  
Scrubbing the Godhead!
Scrubbing the Godhead!

So come build a periodontal paradise - the work will set you free!
All doubters shall burn evermore in a sea of Listerine!

We must tread carefully!
So lift your teeth and sing!

And we are scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing, scrubbing
Scrubbing the Godhead!

Yes we are scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and
Scrubbing the Godhead!  
Scrubbing the Godhead!
Scrubbing the Godhead!

Go in Teeth!
Serve the Teeth!
Thanks be to Tooth!

Bigfoot, Big Badge

Bigfoot! Big badge!
Nana nana na na nana!
An undercover myth -
Something no one would suspect!

Bigfoot!  Big badge!
Nana nana na na nana!
I’m the nation’s perfect spy
Almost too hard to describe
And no one would believe you if you tried 

I was a little baby Sasquatch, when I was orphaned, all alone
Discovered by two huntresses who raised me as their own
Taught me to shoot and rollerblade and love the USA
And of the duty we all share to keep it great.
And so upon graduation I turned in my application
To serve my nation at the CIA

And, now you know I’m

Bigfoot! Big badge!
Nana nana na na nana!
License to kill and loping gait,
I’ve deposed foreign heads of state!

Bigfoot! Big badge!
Nana nana na na nana!
Ordering drone strikes
Scaring campers on their hikes
See, it’s not all work no play if you do it right!

I’ve seen the Middle East, done “business” in Pyongyang
Infiltrated secret rings of undead Canadians
I punched a racist mummy, tracked down a separatist mermaid
And now the case to put the rest to shame…
I’d pose as a custodian, expose suspected fraudulence, corruption at the Sunshine estate.

Bigfoot! Big Badge!
Nana nana na na nana!

 

Good Ole Teeth (17 Injections)

MR SUNSHINE

Seventeen injections for the one I love
Seventeen injections make the cure
Last week I was certain it was nine or ten
But seventeen will work this week I’m sure

One!  Two!

Three injections in and she is growing pale
Number four brings color to her face
Injection five’s a failure - now I’m losing her!
A shadow of a fuzz taking her place!

No!

Oh teeth!  Our time is waning!
Oh for those teeth of yesterday!

Seventeen injections - I must weather on
Six and seven have her breathing well
Eight’s a rare extraction of an anti-fuzzing agent
Nine is a placebo (shh! don’t tell!)

Ten injections in and she is screaming out
Eleven seems to get her stabilized
Twelve and we are into frontier science now
Thirteen’s a guess at best, so hold on tight!

These teeth!  Our time is waning!
Oh for those teeth of yesterday!
Just four injections more remaining
Great Tooth above - please lend my hands your strength!

Alright.  Number 13…

MAMA SUNSHINE

Brushworth my love, please.  wait.

MR SUNSHINE

What is it my darling?  Has number 12 done it?  It’s mostly soda water and menthol gum-

MAMA SUNSHINE

No, no, it’s just…

What if this is fateful?
I’m so very very tired.
I’m ready to go fuzz.

MR SUNSHINE

No… no!

MAMA SUNSHINE

Don’t think that I’m ungrateful,
Your work’s been so inspired.
But perhaps the prophecy’s not meant to be as we thought it was.

And maybe this will be a new chance
Tooth and Fuzz in love and balance

MR SUNSHINE

No… no!  Thirteen!  Fourteen!  We must finish!

Seventeen injections for the one I love
Seventeen injections make the cure
Seventeen injections and no other way
Seventeen will make you whole and pure!

Fifteen!  Sixteen!  Now hold on darling!
My love!  You must come back to me!  …Please!
I have the last syringe, open your eyes!  Seventeen is waiting!

My god, she’s gone. There’s not but fuzz,
And soft, soft squishy teeth…